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Like every good thing, our babymoon as come to an end.  Today, Pumpkin is 6 weeks old.  I have a hard time beleiving that six weeks has passed since my little love’s arrival.  6 weeks of kisses, babywearing, rocking chairs, and having an angel fall asleep in my arms day and night.  It has been bliss.

I cannot even begin to say how grateful I am that we were lucky enough to have this little boy sent to us.  He is a blessing to me and our entire family.  They say that our kids have much to teach us, and I can say that this has proven to be true for us.  My first born son has taught us patience and tolerance!  But this one, has something to teach us about patience, and spirituality for sure.  I am sure he is somehow still connected to heaven, and he is sure teaching us about reverence and gratitude.

This morning was a hectic one.  But yet, he managed to fall asleep in the crook of my arm while I was rocking him, eventhough both Pea and Peanut were running around and making an aweful lot of noise.  He fell asleep calmly and peacefully, I saw both his eyes just close between 2 smiles.  And that moment made me cry.  I stared at him for the longest time, just still amazed at his presence and the serenity he made me feel looking at him.  I wish I could have stopped time, RIGHT THEN, for the longest time.

If only we knew all that we know after 3 kids when our first born arrives.  THis moment was a blessing, one that we often miss in the turmoil of the day.  And if I had not taken the time to just observe it, I would have completely missed it.  No fret, there will be other moments like that, I remember thinking when I had my firstborn.  And yet, now after 3 kids, I understand that no, there is not all THAT much other moments like that and that they should not be missed, because otherwise they are just lost forever.

And right after this moment, we all went outside.  While I was attending to Pumkin, I turned around to see Peanut riding her bike up to the street, put her helmet on, snap it, and off she was.  All of this, all by herself…and yet, I feel like it was yesterday that she was in that pram, all tiny and helpless.  It made me realize how times just goes too fast, and all of thoses moments that I spent with the other 2 are now a distant memory, and they will, sadly, become the same thing with him sooner then later.

If you don’t want your life to pass you by, you have to take the time to look.  You have to take the time to stop.  This time with my last son is for me really important.  And I will miss it very much.  It saddens me to think that I will vaguely remember this time, but not with the clarity that I wish.  Many of the thing that were our life a few weeks ago are now just a memory, things that I again, tought I would remember!  (Nipple pain anyone?)

Yesterday, ironically, I finished reading Mittens string for God, a book that I adored.  And it made me understand that I am not the only one to live through all the changes without seing them.  We only realize that something have changed once we look back, once it is too late if we didn’t stop to savor whatever life brings us:  “I suddenly realize how much that I cherished has slipped away even as I tried to give it voice, only to be replaced by new ways of doing and being.”  We have no power on time, and the fact that it makes us moves on.  But we do have the power to enjoy and cherish the present moment.  It is hard sometimes do remember that when we are in the heat of the moment, but we have to, otherwise, moments like the one I lived this morning, and that makes it all worthwhile just vanished without even being noticed.

If this post has a sad tone to it, maybe it is because that is the way I feel.  I am mourning the fact that I will never get a chance to meet a new tny little being that is the addition of myself and the man I love.  I will never get the chance to smell the sweet smell of my newborn baby, to have the chance to witness the first minutes of life of a little being, these minutes that have amazed me every time.  I will miss that time, a time that has taught me over the years that the best thing that I made are my kids and that my true purpose is to take care of them.  This is what I do best.

And I am scared.  Once they are all grown, once they don’t need me anymore, what will life hold on for me?  What is left in store for us mothers when our kids are gone?

WHile I am writing this, he is deep asleep right beside me.  I can see in his face the trait of the little man that I meet for the first time 6 weeks ago.  But I also see new features (like a 2nd chin… ) that tells me time is acting again, and that I must savor every single moments that I have left with him as a baby.  Off to do just that.


from tonight’s prayer:

“…and I thank you for my beautiful little brother that you send me on my birthday.  I love him very much.”

Instant mother’s heartmelt guarenteed…

I started reading this book a few days before Pumpkin’s arrival.

It is a Waldorf oriented book about infancy.  Having read Montessori from the start at the arrival of Pea, I wanted to see the Waldorf intake about child rearing in the first few days.

Overall, the book was interesting.  It contains views that  both really made sense, and that I have always applied with my  newborns, but also ideas that I had never heard before, and that are not part of my own personnal “culture” (not having been brought up with the Waldorf principles) , but that had me meditating a lot upon.

I am always in awestruck when I see really young babies in a really crowded environment like the grocery store or the shopping mall.  If those places have ME feeling overwhelmed sometimes, I can just imagine that a newborn just out of the womb environment must be feeling!  So this idea of really protecting the senses of my newborn as long as possible by not putting him in contact with mecanical noise, and bringing him where there is a lot of people (and thus noise) is just something that is completely natural to me.  I have to admit that I was extra careful this time though, a lot more then I was with Pea and Peanut, spending a lot of time babymooning alone with Pumpkin in my room.  I did have to bring him at the osteopath for nursing issues, but this place is such a haven of peace that he did not have to go through the hussle of a typical  waiting room.  I don’t know if that 4 weeks that we just spent really made a difference to him, but it sure did for me.  Having this time of peace, and surrounding my son with peace, quiet, calm really made ME feel peaceful and calm.

The book also stresses the importance of warmth, choosing adequate colors for the baby to see and a beautiful and peaceful room.  Warmth was a little hard to deal with, as we have been in a really hot patch of summer.  I tried to stick to the hat idea all the time, but Pumkin was not impressed at first.  I finally found a Ruskovilla silk hat that he can live with (most of the time…)

it is a little pricy, but at least, he keeps it on!

I got out my lambskin, something that I have since Pea’s arrival, but that I did not use to it’s entire potential with Him and Peanut.  We have been using it a lot this time.  Pumpkin sleeps on it, and I also use it to put him aside us when he is awake.  THis time around, I wouldn’t trade this for anything else.  And neither would he 😉

Pumpkin sleeping on his lambskin in an antique cradle that my great grand father 
made for his family.

Still on the topic of warmth, I cannot say how happy to have made this blanket for him.  It is perfect in every aspect.  I really hope he keeps it as his security blanket for a long time.

I also was more mindful about colors.  It was harder though since we do not have a room for him per se.  So I didn’t get to decorate a room for this newborn.  I must admit that I missed that.  But on the upside, I got to keep him in our room, something that we didn’t do wth the other, DH not being totally on this idea. Cosleeping really is the best and easiest way to deal with a newborn.  And I cannot say how I enjoyed having him by my side, in my arms  all the time.  But back to colors, I used a mauvish voile in our window, that really let the daylight shine through.  I have to admit tht it does create a a peaceful atmosphere, something that I wasn’t as aware with the other 2.  But I wasn’t fond of the idea of putting a silk over the baby’s bed.  I’d rather put the silk right at the window.  THis is something I would do again with another baby.

I have also been really mindful for a while now when buying clothes and things for my children not to get branded, logoed, bright colored.  I am also really careful of tags, material or comfort of the clothes.  I cannot stand something that is itchy, so why would my kids?  But can I say how HARD it is to find neutral, comfy clothes that fits in all those requirements?  Thank god for knitted longies and home made kimonos…

I was not completely in tune with the topic of diapers in this book.  We are EC’ing, and I know that it might not be totally in league with Waldorf.  But I feel good responding to my child’s signals wheter it is for food or for elimination.  We got a puddle pad that I lanolised and that does a wonderful job at keep him dry and comfy while he is out of diapers.  I love this!  We are also using cloth diapers, prefolds have always been a favorite here, for their ease of use, and cleaning.  For night, I have always loved Disana’s tie nappies and Diasana wool covers. This time is no exceptions…

There are things though that really putted me off in that book, mostly the part about breastfeeding.  I felt like it was not in league with AP.  But as with everything, you have to take what works for you and your family, and leave the rest.

So overall, I enjoyed this book.  It gave me food for thoughts on many topics, things that we have already integrated in many ways.

I am just in love.  With every single square inch of this little man.

Back to toe kissing…

Finally.  He is in our arms, and I am so madly in love with him.

I never thought that you could still be amazed and completely shaken by the arrival of a thrid child.  I guess the heart always have space for a new baby, for more love.

I could spend all day just looking at him, and just be intoxicated by his newborn smell.  And yet, I feel sad that this is our last one.  I have truly found myself in becoming a mom, a much unanticipated surprise for me, but I have found that this is where I find the most rewards, where I really feel like I have a purpose, which is not something I would have thought when I was younger or going through school.

He is simply adorable, and just lovable.  I know I will miss this newborn stage, and how fast it goes.  I try to take it all in, even more then I ever did beofre, just to make sure that I will never forget.

I already miss his kicks, and movements, but I am glad that I can see them now, and just feel his skin, see his beautiful face smell this heavenly smell of the newborn.  I don’t know how I will make myself to the idea of this being the last one.  Seeing so many people around me being pregnant really remind me daily that this beautiful pahse of my life is over.  And I can help but ask myself : what is left after that?

I will truly miss the intense and most exilirating moment of life where after a long labor, you finally get to meet this new little person.  This must be the best feeling I have ever experienced, and I got the chance to live it 3 times.

I have to concentrate on what is ahead of me, and cherish these moments in my heart, in the hope that it will make me a better parent when the times are harder to go by.

Looking at him now, makes me realize how easy it is to forget.  Our 3yo and 5yo also were, at one point this tiny, and yet, now they seem suddenly so big.  But inside them, there is still this tiny newborn that we have cherished and contemplated over, even when things don’t go the way we want, when they are sad or mad…and THAT is sometimes hard to remember.

I have vowed this time to truly enjoy this last little one, and to never forget:  the feelings I have and the moments we share with him.  He will grow, like the others, but I just don’t want to forget.

After 2 kids, the “need list” for a baby is definetly smaller then when we first started out with children.  As a matter of fact, I was myself amazed at how I didn’t want (need) anything for this baby.  We already have the diapers, a matress, and baby carriers, what can a baby need more then that?

Aside of course of mama made things 😉

I have created something for each of my children before they were born.  And for some reason, in the midst of a really  REALLY hot summer, I decided that a blanket was in order for this baby…go figure…

I wanted something simple but also with a pattern and made with something that had not bathed in pesticide.  Since baby is due in july, it needed to be not too hot, but also usable in winter.

I choosed the “project linus security blanket” from the book  Knitting for peace and used Blue Sky Alpaca colorgrown organic cotton as yarn for this project.  Perfect project, perfect yarn.  Soft and delicious.  And since the pattern created holes in the knitting, it is perfect as a summer blanket, but the yarn also makes it perfect as a colder weather blanket.

and guess what, now that I am over with it, I am receiving orders for a redo  from the other 2.  They all want to snuggle with it, even at 30 degrees!!!

It was also on my list to do a silk pilot hat.  But the blanket took longer then anticipated, and so I decided to go ahead and get one to make sure that I wouldn’t be caught without one.

from a nice mama in Sweden.  This hat is so soft and luxurious, I absolutely love it.  But I seem to have a little time on my hand, so I might cast one on a size bigger, so that will be ready when autumn comes.

There is something in knitting while being pregnant that makes you feel just so good, but then again, for me, knitting always does 🙂

Next on the needles, something for Pea.  He has been wanting a mama made pullover forever, and he does need one for when school will start again.  Time to get working on this…well, when the heat comes down a little…